Is it wrong to want him to miss me??

I’d washed all his summer clothes, packed up his Dr. Who toys and filled a suitcase full of his things, but the reality of waving him off was something I was ignoring, and had been ignoring all week.

But this morning it happened.

I stood there in a bit of a daze, as his Nanna & Grandad turned up, made small talk and put his things in to the car. This is it, he’s really going away, and I’m going to be four hours away from him.

And with that, he asked me to grab his DS and his favourite cuddly dog, and they drove off.

I’ve never been away from him for that long, never. I mean its never been easy to go away without the children. My Aunt & Uncle live in Surrey and the in-laws live in Tokyo, so popping over for sleepovers, don’t really happen! The last time I left him for that long was three days over Christmas when my OH and I were ‘separated’ (that’s a nice way of putting it!) and this morning all those feelings came flooding back. I’d let him down, he is alone with them because of what we have done, because we couldn’t talk and fix things. You see this was all sorted when we weren’t together, and OH was supposed to be going with him, and now we are back together he isn’t. Have we done the wrong thing, was he going to be alright, was he going to cry every night.

I know, I know these aren’t very rational thoughts really are they, but then I wasn’t feeling very calm and rational this morning.

And that’s when he said it, after comforting me, and wiping away the tears, ‘stop thinking about yourself and think about what a great time he will have’ and it was like being slapped in the face with a big kipper (you know, the comedy kind that really makes a slap!) Was I just thinking about myself, was I really being that selfish that I couldn’t share my son with his grandparents? Maybe I am.

All I have been focussing on is him being alone and he isn’t. He loves his Granddad to pieces (and his Nanna, but she isn’t as much fun!) and I know that within minutes of getting there and looking around and setting up his room, he won’t be giving home and second thought. And lets face it, that’s how it should be. I don’t want him crying to come home all week.

So from today, as much as it still hurts seeing his empty bed tonight, I know he is going to have a great time. He deserves it, he really does, and the bonus is, I get him back in six days, all refreshed and lovely.. and I cant wait :) and neither can his sister!