Sunday 31 July 2011
Saturday 30 July 2011
Is it wrong to want him to miss me??
I’d washed all his summer clothes, packed up his Dr. Who toys and filled a suitcase full of his things, but the reality of waving him off was something I was ignoring, and had been ignoring all week.
But this morning it happened.
I stood there in a bit of a daze, as his Nanna & Grandad turned up, made small talk and put his things in to the car. This is it, he’s really going away, and I’m going to be four hours away from him.
And with that, he asked me to grab his DS and his favourite cuddly dog, and they drove off.
I’ve never been away from him for that long, never. I mean its never been easy to go away without the children. My Aunt & Uncle live in Surrey and the in-laws live in Tokyo, so popping over for sleepovers, don’t really happen! The last time I left him for that long was three days over Christmas when my OH and I were ‘separated’ (that’s a nice way of putting it!) and this morning all those feelings came flooding back. I’d let him down, he is alone with them because of what we have done, because we couldn’t talk and fix things. You see this was all sorted when we weren’t together, and OH was supposed to be going with him, and now we are back together he isn’t. Have we done the wrong thing, was he going to be alright, was he going to cry every night.
I know, I know these aren’t very rational thoughts really are they, but then I wasn’t feeling very calm and rational this morning.
And that’s when he said it, after comforting me, and wiping away the tears, ‘stop thinking about yourself and think about what a great time he will have’ and it was like being slapped in the face with a big kipper (you know, the comedy kind that really makes a slap!) Was I just thinking about myself, was I really being that selfish that I couldn’t share my son with his grandparents? Maybe I am.
All I have been focussing on is him being alone and he isn’t. He loves his Granddad to pieces (and his Nanna, but she isn’t as much fun!) and I know that within minutes of getting there and looking around and setting up his room, he won’t be giving home and second thought. And lets face it, that’s how it should be. I don’t want him crying to come home all week.
So from today, as much as it still hurts seeing his empty bed tonight, I know he is going to have a great time. He deserves it, he really does, and the bonus is, I get him back in six days, all refreshed and lovely.. and I cant wait :) and neither can his sister!
But this morning it happened.
I stood there in a bit of a daze, as his Nanna & Grandad turned up, made small talk and put his things in to the car. This is it, he’s really going away, and I’m going to be four hours away from him.
And with that, he asked me to grab his DS and his favourite cuddly dog, and they drove off.
I’ve never been away from him for that long, never. I mean its never been easy to go away without the children. My Aunt & Uncle live in Surrey and the in-laws live in Tokyo, so popping over for sleepovers, don’t really happen! The last time I left him for that long was three days over Christmas when my OH and I were ‘separated’ (that’s a nice way of putting it!) and this morning all those feelings came flooding back. I’d let him down, he is alone with them because of what we have done, because we couldn’t talk and fix things. You see this was all sorted when we weren’t together, and OH was supposed to be going with him, and now we are back together he isn’t. Have we done the wrong thing, was he going to be alright, was he going to cry every night.
I know, I know these aren’t very rational thoughts really are they, but then I wasn’t feeling very calm and rational this morning.
And that’s when he said it, after comforting me, and wiping away the tears, ‘stop thinking about yourself and think about what a great time he will have’ and it was like being slapped in the face with a big kipper (you know, the comedy kind that really makes a slap!) Was I just thinking about myself, was I really being that selfish that I couldn’t share my son with his grandparents? Maybe I am.
All I have been focussing on is him being alone and he isn’t. He loves his Granddad to pieces (and his Nanna, but she isn’t as much fun!) and I know that within minutes of getting there and looking around and setting up his room, he won’t be giving home and second thought. And lets face it, that’s how it should be. I don’t want him crying to come home all week.
So from today, as much as it still hurts seeing his empty bed tonight, I know he is going to have a great time. He deserves it, he really does, and the bonus is, I get him back in six days, all refreshed and lovely.. and I cant wait :) and neither can his sister!
Tuesday 26 July 2011
Let the summer begin, our bags are packed!
Its hard to believe my little man is still at school!
This term really has been the longest one I can remember! Infact a friend of mine, who is a teacher, told me tonight that in 23 years of teaching he has never before worked on his birthday, until tomorrow!
But alas the end is in sight! The summer holidays are nearly here!
One more early rise, one more morning of yelling please 'get your uniform on, eat your breakfast, clean your teeth' blah blah blah! There are some mornings that I wonder if only dogs can hear my voice, as no one else seems to!
I'll tell you what, Thursday can't come soon enough!
I have my holiday list planned of places we are going to visit and their summer backpacks are ready for the off! I do one of these every year. For the past couple of months I've been collecting little toys, books, games, colouring books, travel games and the like,nothing super expensive, just new. I've wrapped them, and packed them in their 'summer bags' which are actually Content & Calm Traykit bags and they literally go everywhere with us, days out, long drives, any where! The bonus is the kids can carry them themselves as well! I love putting them together! The summer holidays wouldn't be the same without them! The bag is a lifesaver for flights and car journeys and with one pink and one blue there is no way they get mixed up! I got mine in Boots after recognising it on Dragons Den and thinking that it was just perfect, and really it is! With family living all over the country and the in-laws living in Japan I can safely say that there would have been no way I would have made it through those flights without this bag. I cant recommend the bags highly enough to be honest.
However, Ive got to get tomorrow out of the way, and then let the fun begin!
You just watch.. it will rain!!
Happy summer :)
This term really has been the longest one I can remember! Infact a friend of mine, who is a teacher, told me tonight that in 23 years of teaching he has never before worked on his birthday, until tomorrow!
But alas the end is in sight! The summer holidays are nearly here!
One more early rise, one more morning of yelling please 'get your uniform on, eat your breakfast, clean your teeth' blah blah blah! There are some mornings that I wonder if only dogs can hear my voice, as no one else seems to!
I'll tell you what, Thursday can't come soon enough!
I have my holiday list planned of places we are going to visit and their summer backpacks are ready for the off! I do one of these every year. For the past couple of months I've been collecting little toys, books, games, colouring books, travel games and the like,nothing super expensive, just new. I've wrapped them, and packed them in their 'summer bags' which are actually Content & Calm Traykit bags and they literally go everywhere with us, days out, long drives, any where! The bonus is the kids can carry them themselves as well! I love putting them together! The summer holidays wouldn't be the same without them! The bag is a lifesaver for flights and car journeys and with one pink and one blue there is no way they get mixed up! I got mine in Boots after recognising it on Dragons Den and thinking that it was just perfect, and really it is! With family living all over the country and the in-laws living in Japan I can safely say that there would have been no way I would have made it through those flights without this bag. I cant recommend the bags highly enough to be honest.
However, Ive got to get tomorrow out of the way, and then let the fun begin!
You just watch.. it will rain!!
Happy summer :)
Sunday 24 July 2011
Friday 15 July 2011
Capture the moment.. but don't lose it, please
Being new to the world of blogging, there is nothing better than spending twenty minutes (when Lily closes her eyes!) every day reading some of your amazing posts and looking at your fantastic photos.
I love taking photos, I still do, but unfortunately a simple stupid error means I have lost five years of my babies lives and there is nothing I can do about it.
In April, my husband surprised me by taking us all away to Cyprus. I was thrilled, we hadn't been on a proper family holiday somewhere new, ever! We packed light and just before putting my camera & video camera in my bag, I put all the data on my laptop.
I'd been sorting all the photos on my machine for months. Making sure they were all in folders and the folders were alphabetised and in date order, you know what its like, I'm a sucker for lists and order! The only thing I kept saying to myself over and over again was 'buy a hard drive, just in case' but it was one of those things I was going to get round to.
It turns out, the first day of that holiday was the day I should have got round to it.
With two cars on the drive and in broad daylight, two 'people' (I use that term very loosely) smashed their way in to our house and emptied every single drawer in search of the keys. Unable to find them, they took what they could grab, iPods, camera's, every single piece of jewellery I had and my laptop. My shabby, half broken, red wine stained laptop, with every photo I have taken of my children on it.
And with that, they were gone. No back-up, no hard drive, and no chance of ever seeing them again.
Rest assured, I have learnt my lesson.
Please don't make the same mistake I did, if you take it, save it and keep it in a place far away from your machine.
Me :)
I love taking photos, I still do, but unfortunately a simple stupid error means I have lost five years of my babies lives and there is nothing I can do about it.
In April, my husband surprised me by taking us all away to Cyprus. I was thrilled, we hadn't been on a proper family holiday somewhere new, ever! We packed light and just before putting my camera & video camera in my bag, I put all the data on my laptop.
I'd been sorting all the photos on my machine for months. Making sure they were all in folders and the folders were alphabetised and in date order, you know what its like, I'm a sucker for lists and order! The only thing I kept saying to myself over and over again was 'buy a hard drive, just in case' but it was one of those things I was going to get round to.
It turns out, the first day of that holiday was the day I should have got round to it.
With two cars on the drive and in broad daylight, two 'people' (I use that term very loosely) smashed their way in to our house and emptied every single drawer in search of the keys. Unable to find them, they took what they could grab, iPods, camera's, every single piece of jewellery I had and my laptop. My shabby, half broken, red wine stained laptop, with every photo I have taken of my children on it.
And with that, they were gone. No back-up, no hard drive, and no chance of ever seeing them again.
Rest assured, I have learnt my lesson.
Please don't make the same mistake I did, if you take it, save it and keep it in a place far away from your machine.
Me :)
Sunday 10 July 2011
A not so silent Sunday..
Sunday started so well..
No sign of life until 6.30am (trust me that's a lie in!), the sun was shining, the birds were singing, we made plans for the garden, the bacon was calling, it was all going so well!
It was a Sunday like it should have been, we walked to the park, we were loving being in the sun, Sunday's should look like this!
But that all changed, when the OH started working on something for work. He gets stressed and I mean really stressed, no one approaches him, or should I say, no one should approach him. He's a bit like a caged bear, now imagine that bear after its been poked through the bars - with a stick! Ouchies!
Any way, his mood changed, the kids mood changed and it started to rain. Thats when it all went horrible wrong.
My eldest had built a fab den in the lounge with a box. He loved it, all the toys he could play with and he was quite happy with that!
When disaster struck. The littlest had got bored of not being allowed to play, so launched an ice cream truck at him. There were tears, blimey were there tears! And thats when we noticed it.. the water pouring down his blanket weren't his tears, it was the rain!!
The rain was pouring in through the conservatory roof, and when I say pouring, I actually mean it was raining in my lounge, I could see the sky!!
Thankfully, the bear was ok about being interrupted (mainly because he was worried it was going to get the TV!)
He was up the ladders and on the roof quicker than I could say 'its raining in here!' the only thing is, he is a bash now and think later kind of guy, a lot like our littlest!!
Fortunately for me, it worked! He managed to slide the roof back together - I'm beginning to think our house is made of Playmobil (no actually, Playmobil is a lot more sturdier than our house, sorry Playmobil!) and the water has stopped coming in for now!
And the even better news is that the littlest apologised to the biggest, and he now likes her again - yay! And OH has stopped being a bear and has brought me a nice glass of red wine - yum!
Any way, whilst the house has returned to being quiet again and nearly everyone is asleep, Ill say goodnight - sleep well :)
No sign of life until 6.30am (trust me that's a lie in!), the sun was shining, the birds were singing, we made plans for the garden, the bacon was calling, it was all going so well!
It was a Sunday like it should have been, we walked to the park, we were loving being in the sun, Sunday's should look like this!
But that all changed, when the OH started working on something for work. He gets stressed and I mean really stressed, no one approaches him, or should I say, no one should approach him. He's a bit like a caged bear, now imagine that bear after its been poked through the bars - with a stick! Ouchies!
Any way, his mood changed, the kids mood changed and it started to rain. Thats when it all went horrible wrong.
My eldest had built a fab den in the lounge with a box. He loved it, all the toys he could play with and he was quite happy with that!
When disaster struck. The littlest had got bored of not being allowed to play, so launched an ice cream truck at him. There were tears, blimey were there tears! And thats when we noticed it.. the water pouring down his blanket weren't his tears, it was the rain!!
The rain was pouring in through the conservatory roof, and when I say pouring, I actually mean it was raining in my lounge, I could see the sky!!
Thankfully, the bear was ok about being interrupted (mainly because he was worried it was going to get the TV!)
He was up the ladders and on the roof quicker than I could say 'its raining in here!' the only thing is, he is a bash now and think later kind of guy, a lot like our littlest!!
Fortunately for me, it worked! He managed to slide the roof back together - I'm beginning to think our house is made of Playmobil (no actually, Playmobil is a lot more sturdier than our house, sorry Playmobil!) and the water has stopped coming in for now!
And the even better news is that the littlest apologised to the biggest, and he now likes her again - yay! And OH has stopped being a bear and has brought me a nice glass of red wine - yum!
Any way, whilst the house has returned to being quiet again and nearly everyone is asleep, Ill say goodnight - sleep well :)
Right back to the start...
So my story started, wow, fifteen years ago this year! How time flies hey!
I was born and raised in Blackpool, yes I know!! It is everything everyone thinks about the place, but for me it was home (even though you could never just pop in to town for a new top in the morning without bumping in to Fred Flinstone or a naked cowboy!) I had holiday jobs at the infamous Tower and the Pleasure Beach and had the most fun with the bestest friends, but in 1996 my life changed massively.
I lost my mum.
My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 11, and he remarried six months after he left (needless to say that marriage has ended as well and he is due to marry again in October - what a roll model!) He was never really a part of my life so when Mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 95' I had a conversation with her about what would happen with us (me & my sister) should the worst happen, and it was decided that we would go and live with my Aunt in Surrey.
So that's what happened, my Mum died in February 96', I managed, somehow, to get through my A-levels in the May/June and then in July, exactly ten years after we moved in to our house, we moved to Surrey leaving my friends behind to start again.
In the September I started at university and met my OH. He was lovely, well still is lovely and 15 years later we are still together. I'm not going to lie it hasn't been easy, blimey it has been up and down and all over the place! We married 9 years ago and had our first child 7 years ago, and that was hard.. very hard. But we came through it and had our second in 2009. However we hit the same issues again and in 2010 we decided it would be better if we weren't together.
I am pleased to say though that after five months apart it turns out we were wrong and things have never been better. Don't get me wrong, we still hit the occasional stumbling block, but the difference now is that instead of keeping it all inside, we talk, and move on, its all new to us I can tell you but its like we are two different people together for the first time!
So here we are, getting through one day at a time and enjoying it. The munchkins got me through some dark days and I feel I owe them the best, I only hope that I am doing a good job!
Any way I think I have bored you enough to begin with, and besides Hannah Montana is on (boy, how my life has changed from the boardroom to the Disney channel!!)
See you again soon!
Me :)
I was born and raised in Blackpool, yes I know!! It is everything everyone thinks about the place, but for me it was home (even though you could never just pop in to town for a new top in the morning without bumping in to Fred Flinstone or a naked cowboy!) I had holiday jobs at the infamous Tower and the Pleasure Beach and had the most fun with the bestest friends, but in 1996 my life changed massively.
I lost my mum.
My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 11, and he remarried six months after he left (needless to say that marriage has ended as well and he is due to marry again in October - what a roll model!) He was never really a part of my life so when Mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 95' I had a conversation with her about what would happen with us (me & my sister) should the worst happen, and it was decided that we would go and live with my Aunt in Surrey.
So that's what happened, my Mum died in February 96', I managed, somehow, to get through my A-levels in the May/June and then in July, exactly ten years after we moved in to our house, we moved to Surrey leaving my friends behind to start again.
In the September I started at university and met my OH. He was lovely, well still is lovely and 15 years later we are still together. I'm not going to lie it hasn't been easy, blimey it has been up and down and all over the place! We married 9 years ago and had our first child 7 years ago, and that was hard.. very hard. But we came through it and had our second in 2009. However we hit the same issues again and in 2010 we decided it would be better if we weren't together.
I am pleased to say though that after five months apart it turns out we were wrong and things have never been better. Don't get me wrong, we still hit the occasional stumbling block, but the difference now is that instead of keeping it all inside, we talk, and move on, its all new to us I can tell you but its like we are two different people together for the first time!
So here we are, getting through one day at a time and enjoying it. The munchkins got me through some dark days and I feel I owe them the best, I only hope that I am doing a good job!
Any way I think I have bored you enough to begin with, and besides Hannah Montana is on (boy, how my life has changed from the boardroom to the Disney channel!!)
See you again soon!
Me :)
Saturday 9 July 2011
So, this is me...
I'm new to all this to be honest.
Well not new, so to speak, I've been recommending that people blog for quite some time, I've just never done it, and now I'm really nervous!
What shall I say? Where shall I start!! What on earth would people be interested in reading about that they aren't already thinking themselves!
So I'll start at the beginning, seeing as that's supposed to be the best place isn't it, and I hope you enjoy the bumbling's!
Me :)
Well not new, so to speak, I've been recommending that people blog for quite some time, I've just never done it, and now I'm really nervous!
What shall I say? Where shall I start!! What on earth would people be interested in reading about that they aren't already thinking themselves!
So I'll start at the beginning, seeing as that's supposed to be the best place isn't it, and I hope you enjoy the bumbling's!
Me :)
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